"Avoid LAWSUITS beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property." - Jean De La Bruyere 1645-1696
Bumper sticker seen in Washington DC
Don't worry what people think
They don't do it very often
FROM THE COURTROOM
Q Has anybody else ever threatened to kill you?
A No. Somebody put a gun to my neck once, but I don't think he threatened to use it.
Q Was that in an employment contact or not?
A No. It was a social contact.
Q Is there a difference between a reconditioned and rebuilt piece of equipment in your mind, if you have one?
Who loses in our current legal system? You Do...
"Nearly everyone in America is hurt badly by the lawsuit abuse crisis. Consumers and small businesses are hit hardest.
In a personal injury lawsuit, the average cost to defend yourself in a non-automotive case is about $7,500 - money you lose, even if you win your case. And if your company or business is sued, it can cost tens of thousands of dollars for a legal defense, even if you win.
The costs of lawsuits passed on to consumers add up to nearly $1200 (ie 1,376.24 in 2007 dollars) per year for every person in America today.
Every year, Americans spend tens of billions of dollars on legal fees, court costs and individual time and effort in litigation.
Yet, less than half of the liability dollar ever goes to anyone injured - the rest goes to lawyer fees and court costs. " - CALA.org, 2003
"It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this." - Bertrand Russell
SUPREMES FEED LAWYERS; TAXPAYERS PAY
"Emboldened by Thursday's U.S. Supreme Court ruling affirming the right of individuals to own handguns, advocates said they would immediately challenge a San Francisco law that prohibits guns in public housing and sue other cities nationwide to overturn gun restrictions.
"I expect there will be a significant number of California laws challenged because there have been a significant number of irrational and counterproductive laws passed in the state in recent years," said Chuck Michel, the NRA's chief attorney…
Hours after the Supreme Court ruling came down, two groups sued Chicago over its handgun ban… In addition, the NRA said it would file a lawsuit against Chicago today and would also sue surrounding cities that ban handguns.
California, considered to have the most restrictive gun laws in the country, is a particularly attractive target for lawsuits by the gun lobby…
Gun control supporters said they would vigorously fight the challenges.
"Gun advocates' other weapon: lawsuits" By Maura Dolan, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer, June 26, 2008
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-legal27-2008jun27,0,3173451.story
The people of the United States, through their representatives, ratified the 2nd Amendment on December 15, 1791. Since then, and especially since WWII, local governments passed into law an ever-increasing number of restrictions to this federal law. While many of the new laws were in answer to technological changes in weapons manufacturing, the majority were "feel good" legislation meant to pacify some irate citizen group.
In my opinion, the vast majority of the laws passed to restrict the 2nd Amendment were intended to create "busy work" for the explosion of new lawyers that began in the '70s. That is strictly one person's opinion.
Since at least one side of a criminal lawsuit is a government entity, taxpayer-paid lawyers, legal aides, interns, and legal clerks, not to mention judges, magistrates, Sargeants-at-Arms, etc. all reap the paychecks the legal "busy work" provides.
If you honestly feel that you are getting your money's worth, please raise your hand. - 2q(Jim)
"This remains a very important opportunity for the American people to have their day in court against big tobacco and its marketing practices. I urge Congress to provide the funding to allow the lawsuit to move forward, and not to shield the tobacco industry from the consequences of its actions.” - Former President Clinton
Ah, yes, "Congress to provide the funding…"
That's our bloody taxes that Billy asked Congress to spend. - 2q(Jim)
The little girl and the politician
A politician was seated next to a little girl on the airplane. She turned to the little girl and said, "Let's talk, I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The politician, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
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Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
GUNS IN HOME O.K.
Guns in Home OK
At about 10:13 am local time on Thursday, June 26, 2008, the United States Supreme Court affirmed our 2nd Ammendment right to own usable firearms. This is not an unqualified decision.
If interested, follow the link below to read the PDF version of the decision.
http://www.scotusblog.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/07-290.pdf
At about 10:13 am local time on Thursday, June 26, 2008, the United States Supreme Court affirmed our 2nd Ammendment right to own usable firearms. This is not an unqualified decision.
If interested, follow the link below to read the PDF version of the decision.
http://www.scotusblog.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/07-290.pdf
Sunday, June 22, 2008
ASK THE -ISMS
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. - Common Wisdom
What do you do?
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes on you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and charges. You are carrying a Colt Pony .380 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
Voicing the Doctorine of Liberalism, Timmy answers:
Well thats not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything that would inspire him to attack? could we run away? What does my wife think? what about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? what does the law say about this situation? Does the Colt Pony have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway? and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he would be happy with just killing me? does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content to just wound me? If I were to grab the knife and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? should I call 911, why is the street so deserted? we need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier and healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is so confusing! I need more time to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come up with a consensus.
Applying good Conservatism doctrine: BANG
Enlightened Conservatism - BUSH vs Al-gebra
At a busy airport, an individual - later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, he declared. "They seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."
The Attorney General concluded, "As our Great Leader would say, 'read my ellipse'.
AN -ISM CONSENSUS
Smart man + smart woman = Romance
Smart man + stupid woman = Affair
Stupid man + stupid woman = Pregnancy
Stupid man + smart woman = Wedding
What do you do?
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes on you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and charges. You are carrying a Colt Pony .380 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
Voicing the Doctorine of Liberalism, Timmy answers:
Well thats not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything that would inspire him to attack? could we run away? What does my wife think? what about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? what does the law say about this situation? Does the Colt Pony have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway? and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he would be happy with just killing me? does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content to just wound me? If I were to grab the knife and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? should I call 911, why is the street so deserted? we need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier and healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is so confusing! I need more time to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come up with a consensus.
Applying good Conservatism doctrine: BANG
Enlightened Conservatism - BUSH vs Al-gebra
At a busy airport, an individual - later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, he declared. "They seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."
The Attorney General concluded, "As our Great Leader would say, 'read my ellipse'.
AN -ISM CONSENSUS
Smart man + smart woman = Romance
Smart man + stupid woman = Affair
Stupid man + stupid woman = Pregnancy
Stupid man + smart woman = Wedding
Friday, June 20, 2008
PIES FOR Pi; TAXES FOR THY
"Let me tell you my thoughts about tax relief. When your economy is kind of ooching along, it's important to let people have more of their own money." - George W. Bush, Boston, Oct. 4, 2002
Pi Day Cometh
"It's Pi Day, a celebration of the mathematical ratio that man has been trying to unlock for millennia. But why are we driven to find the answers behind it?
Pi Day celebrants, usually children with an enthusiastic teacher… learn about pi, circles, and, if they're lucky, eat baked pies of various sorts. - BBC News, "3.14 and the rest", David Blatner, Friday, 14 March 2008, 11:47 GMT
I am of the opinion that Pi day is a different point in time for every individual. Pi day is the day upon which the US Government stamps "PAID IN FULL" upon your tax file. This day is calclated by multiplying Pi times the number of days between your conception and your death. Contrary to popular belief, our government CAN reach beyond the grave. - 2q(Jim)
"One of the most endearing and enduring qualities of humans is that we're so often sure that we can find the answer to any problem if we just try hard enough. For 3,500 years, humankind has attempted to solve the puzzle of pi... calculating the exact ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter...
In ancient Greece, the great mathematician Archimedes worked tirelessly to discover the ratio, uncovering only a few digits of accuracy…
...Ludolf van Ceulen died in 1610, he had spent many years of his life tediously calculating pi, resulting in only 35 accurate digits... in 1873, William Shanks announced he had found 707 digits over years of hand-cramping work; unfortunately, he had made a mistake after the 527th place. The following digits were all wrong.
The most recent attempt, by a Japanese computer scientist in 2002, found 1.24 trillion digits of pi.
Pi Day is a time to honour not just a number and our fascination with it, but also the essential truth that there are some things we simply cannot know. We can only get close to knowing."
BBC News, "3.14 and the rest", David Blatner, Friday, 14 March 2008, 11:47 GMT
Privileges Pay - Permits 'taint Pie
RALEIGH — Someone from Iran has been fishing along the North Carolina coast. Someone from Israel has, too.
Someone from both nations bought a coastal recreational fishing license in the first year of its existence. They were among nearly 460,000 coastal recreational fishing licenses sold …the licenses have been issued to people in every county in North Carolina, in 62 U.S. states and territories and in countries throughout the world.
The license has brought in $5.7 million in fees. By Barry Smith, Times-News 11/30/2007
Chinese Proverb:
"When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others."
If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service, DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various other corporations which depend on subsidies to stay in business.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided corporate welfare the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them!
Republicans' version
If you get an envelope from a company called the "Internal Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of hundreds of billions of dollars. Don't fall for this scam!
FROM THE EXPERTS
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for." - Will Rogers
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money." - Arthur Godfrey
"The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away." - John S. Coleman
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing." - Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Taxes grow without rain." - Jewish Proverb
There are 299 U.S. Embassies, Consulates, or Diplomatic Missions around the world according to the US Dept. of State. Each has someone in charge. Each occupies a facility and incurs typical facility charges (e.g. utilities). Each has some equipment (e.g. telephones). Do the math, are you getting your money's worth? IF YOU HAD MORE OF YOUR OWN MONEY, IS THIS WHERE YOU WOULD SPEND IT? ARE ALL OF THESE "ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONS"? - Q2(Jim)
"Price is what you pay. Value is what you get - Warren Buffett
Pi Day Cometh
"It's Pi Day, a celebration of the mathematical ratio that man has been trying to unlock for millennia. But why are we driven to find the answers behind it?
Pi Day celebrants, usually children with an enthusiastic teacher… learn about pi, circles, and, if they're lucky, eat baked pies of various sorts. - BBC News, "3.14 and the rest", David Blatner, Friday, 14 March 2008, 11:47 GMT
I am of the opinion that Pi day is a different point in time for every individual. Pi day is the day upon which the US Government stamps "PAID IN FULL" upon your tax file. This day is calclated by multiplying Pi times the number of days between your conception and your death. Contrary to popular belief, our government CAN reach beyond the grave. - 2q(Jim)
"One of the most endearing and enduring qualities of humans is that we're so often sure that we can find the answer to any problem if we just try hard enough. For 3,500 years, humankind has attempted to solve the puzzle of pi... calculating the exact ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter...
In ancient Greece, the great mathematician Archimedes worked tirelessly to discover the ratio, uncovering only a few digits of accuracy…
...Ludolf van Ceulen died in 1610, he had spent many years of his life tediously calculating pi, resulting in only 35 accurate digits... in 1873, William Shanks announced he had found 707 digits over years of hand-cramping work; unfortunately, he had made a mistake after the 527th place. The following digits were all wrong.
The most recent attempt, by a Japanese computer scientist in 2002, found 1.24 trillion digits of pi.
Pi Day is a time to honour not just a number and our fascination with it, but also the essential truth that there are some things we simply cannot know. We can only get close to knowing."
BBC News, "3.14 and the rest", David Blatner, Friday, 14 March 2008, 11:47 GMT
Privileges Pay - Permits 'taint Pie
RALEIGH — Someone from Iran has been fishing along the North Carolina coast. Someone from Israel has, too.
Someone from both nations bought a coastal recreational fishing license in the first year of its existence. They were among nearly 460,000 coastal recreational fishing licenses sold …the licenses have been issued to people in every county in North Carolina, in 62 U.S. states and territories and in countries throughout the world.
The license has brought in $5.7 million in fees. By Barry Smith, Times-News 11/30/2007
Chinese Proverb:
"When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others."
Tax Time Warning
Democrats' versionIf you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service, DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various other corporations which depend on subsidies to stay in business.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided corporate welfare the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them!
Republicans' version
If you get an envelope from a company called the "Internal Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of hundreds of billions of dollars. Don't fall for this scam!
FROM THE EXPERTS
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for." - Will Rogers
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money." - Arthur Godfrey
"The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away." - John S. Coleman
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing." - Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Taxes grow without rain." - Jewish Proverb
There are 299 U.S. Embassies, Consulates, or Diplomatic Missions around the world according to the US Dept. of State. Each has someone in charge. Each occupies a facility and incurs typical facility charges (e.g. utilities). Each has some equipment (e.g. telephones). Do the math, are you getting your money's worth? IF YOU HAD MORE OF YOUR OWN MONEY, IS THIS WHERE YOU WOULD SPEND IT? ARE ALL OF THESE "ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONS"? - Q2(Jim)
"Price is what you pay. Value is what you get - Warren Buffett
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
COMMON TRAITS - LAWYERS
"Where there is a rift in the lute, the business of the lawyer is to widen the rift and gather the loot." - Arthur G. Hays
GROOMING A LAWYER
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
One skilled in the circumvention of the law. - Ambrose Bierce
"Perilous mouths." - William Shakespeare
"First of all, I should like to say that I think the arguments advanced by the counsel for the defense were sound... MERE sound!" - Adam Bonner
"You know, I'm not convinced he's a lawyer, he didn't look devious enough." - Sylvia Hollamby
JUSTICE - IT'S ALL IN THE NAME
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.
"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.
"I was a good father", the man answers.
"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."
St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.
The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.
But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.
At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."
A LAWYER'S LAMENT
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.
A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"
The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
GROOMING A LAWYER
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
LOVE THOSE LAWYERS
"The only civil delinquents whose judges must of necessity be chosen from (amongst) themselves." - Charles Caleb ColtonOne skilled in the circumvention of the law. - Ambrose Bierce
"Perilous mouths." - William Shakespeare
"First of all, I should like to say that I think the arguments advanced by the counsel for the defense were sound... MERE sound!" - Adam Bonner
"You know, I'm not convinced he's a lawyer, he didn't look devious enough." - Sylvia Hollamby
JUSTICE - IT'S ALL IN THE NAME
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.
"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.
"I was a good father", the man answers.
"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."
St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.
The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.
But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.
At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."
A LAWYER'S LAMENT
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.
A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"
The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
Thursday, June 12, 2008
EVOLUTION OF EQUAL
"Equality may perhaps be a right, but no power on earth can ever turn it into a fact." - Honorede Balzac
The Preamble to the Declaration of Independence states "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELD
The Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling that the rules in the NBA display reverse discrimination against people less than 6'9" tall.
In the 95-96 season, the NBA will be required to lower the basket to a height of three feet, so midgets can slam dunk as well. Most NBA analysts predict that this lower basket will change the game of basketball drastically.
The Nonsensizine sports expert claims: "Goaltending calls will happen a lot more. Any ball which is blocked while on its downward arc is considered a goaltend. With the basket at three feet, we predict that most shot attempts will be on their downward arc right at the very start."
However, the NBA comissioner was quoted as saying, "at least we won't have any players hanging from the rim anymore."
This may not be the case. A new expansion team, the Milwaukee Midgets, will consist of five vertically challenged players. The tallest player, the 1'8" center from Vermont, claims that the new league rules allow him to live his lifelong dream.
A similar court ruling, expected to go to the supreme court, will probably require the NBA to remove any rules discriminating against those players who do not have any skill. It is predicted that the three point line will be moved to within one yard of the basket. The basket will
also be made much larger.
People can also begin to expect seeing a twenty yard football field, par 837 golf courses, and tennis courts with no definate "out of bounds" area.
The rulings will be much more subjective in most sports in the 21st century.
It is predicted that by 2018, scores will be abolished all together, with everyone instead getting "good job" ribbons.
While most equality groups say this will be a great step forward, most sports analysts say, quite simply, "This sucks."
The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, Section. 1, states "All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."
"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others." - George Orwell
An e-mail I recently received states "The First American Corporation is an Equal Employment Opportunity/Affirmative Action employer. Qualified applicants are considered for employment and employees are treated during employment without regard to race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, national origin, age, physical or mental disability, medical condition, religion, marital status or veteran status, or any other characteristic protected by state or federal law."
Race?
Color?
Religion?
Gender?
Sexual Orientation?
National Origin?
Age?
Physical disability?
Mental disability?
Medical Condition?
Religion?
Martial status?
Veteran status?
any other characteristic protected by state or federal law?
At the risk of upsetting this law-abiding American corporation, I should mention that "genetic make-up" was recently added to the group of "protected" citizens. - 2q(Jim)
"I understand that there are women that serve our country in the military also, but there is a perpetual assault and resulting distortion of concepts such as ‘equality.’ FOXNews.com reports, “Head of US Military Academy Wants to Drop Male Lyrics in Songs for Gender Neutral Terms.” First, gender neutral is a misnomer. I know I am abusing the usage somewhat, but a person is either male or female. Why does everything in this politically correct generation have to be gender ‘neutral?’ In case they haven’t realized it yet, our society is made up of men and women, different genders. Most people like it that way.
The assertion mentioned in the article is akin to someone pressing to rename ‘Mother’s Day’ on the grounds that it violates the rights and equality of men. And worse, not all women are mothers, so the inappropriately named holiday also violates the rights and equality of women that do not have children. That is, of course, absurd; but the same holds true for usage of gender ’specific’ pronouns in language and lyrics. Gender ’specific’ language does not violate a person’s civil rights." Praetorium.org, May 17, 2008
Speaking of Politicians…
"A friend to everybody and to nobody is the same thing." - Spanish proverb
LAWYERS' NITPICKING DESTROYS LAW
The evolution of the definition of equality has continually refined the meaning of the term - to the point that it has destroyed our forefathers' original intent.
The Declaration of Independence states "all men are created equal". That is a simple, straightforward declaration that ALL men (and women, when you understand the English language usage of meaning within context) are CREATED equal (under the law).
The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, ratified July 9, 1868, further reinforces the legal protection of citizenship by stating that "No State shall… deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
The Declaration of Independence does NOT state that men are more, or less, equal than women. The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution does NOT state that all men ARE equal. The Declaration of Independence DOES state that individuals are CREATED equal. The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution DOES state that CITIZENS share equal protection UNDER THE LAW.
I welcome your comments. - 2q(Jim)
The Preamble to the Declaration of Independence states "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELD
The Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling that the rules in the NBA display reverse discrimination against people less than 6'9" tall.
In the 95-96 season, the NBA will be required to lower the basket to a height of three feet, so midgets can slam dunk as well. Most NBA analysts predict that this lower basket will change the game of basketball drastically.
The Nonsensizine sports expert claims: "Goaltending calls will happen a lot more. Any ball which is blocked while on its downward arc is considered a goaltend. With the basket at three feet, we predict that most shot attempts will be on their downward arc right at the very start."
However, the NBA comissioner was quoted as saying, "at least we won't have any players hanging from the rim anymore."
This may not be the case. A new expansion team, the Milwaukee Midgets, will consist of five vertically challenged players. The tallest player, the 1'8" center from Vermont, claims that the new league rules allow him to live his lifelong dream.
A similar court ruling, expected to go to the supreme court, will probably require the NBA to remove any rules discriminating against those players who do not have any skill. It is predicted that the three point line will be moved to within one yard of the basket. The basket will
also be made much larger.
People can also begin to expect seeing a twenty yard football field, par 837 golf courses, and tennis courts with no definate "out of bounds" area.
The rulings will be much more subjective in most sports in the 21st century.
It is predicted that by 2018, scores will be abolished all together, with everyone instead getting "good job" ribbons.
While most equality groups say this will be a great step forward, most sports analysts say, quite simply, "This sucks."
The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, Section. 1, states "All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."
"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others." - George Orwell
An e-mail I recently received states "The First American Corporation is an Equal Employment Opportunity/Affirmative Action employer. Qualified applicants are considered for employment and employees are treated during employment without regard to race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, national origin, age, physical or mental disability, medical condition, religion, marital status or veteran status, or any other characteristic protected by state or federal law."
Race?
Color?
Religion?
Gender?
Sexual Orientation?
National Origin?
Age?
Physical disability?
Mental disability?
Medical Condition?
Religion?
Martial status?
Veteran status?
any other characteristic protected by state or federal law?
At the risk of upsetting this law-abiding American corporation, I should mention that "genetic make-up" was recently added to the group of "protected" citizens. - 2q(Jim)
"I understand that there are women that serve our country in the military also, but there is a perpetual assault and resulting distortion of concepts such as ‘equality.’ FOXNews.com reports, “Head of US Military Academy Wants to Drop Male Lyrics in Songs for Gender Neutral Terms.” First, gender neutral is a misnomer. I know I am abusing the usage somewhat, but a person is either male or female. Why does everything in this politically correct generation have to be gender ‘neutral?’ In case they haven’t realized it yet, our society is made up of men and women, different genders. Most people like it that way.
The assertion mentioned in the article is akin to someone pressing to rename ‘Mother’s Day’ on the grounds that it violates the rights and equality of men. And worse, not all women are mothers, so the inappropriately named holiday also violates the rights and equality of women that do not have children. That is, of course, absurd; but the same holds true for usage of gender ’specific’ pronouns in language and lyrics. Gender ’specific’ language does not violate a person’s civil rights." Praetorium.org, May 17, 2008
Speaking of Politicians…
"A friend to everybody and to nobody is the same thing." - Spanish proverb
LAWYERS' NITPICKING DESTROYS LAW
The evolution of the definition of equality has continually refined the meaning of the term - to the point that it has destroyed our forefathers' original intent.
The Declaration of Independence states "all men are created equal". That is a simple, straightforward declaration that ALL men (and women, when you understand the English language usage of meaning within context) are CREATED equal (under the law).
The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, ratified July 9, 1868, further reinforces the legal protection of citizenship by stating that "No State shall… deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
The Declaration of Independence does NOT state that men are more, or less, equal than women. The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution does NOT state that all men ARE equal. The Declaration of Independence DOES state that individuals are CREATED equal. The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution DOES state that CITIZENS share equal protection UNDER THE LAW.
I welcome your comments. - 2q(Jim)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
LESSONS LEARNED
“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.” - Alden Nowlan
Growing-up is universal; growing-up in America is unique.
Age 6 -- I've learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more.
Age 7 -- I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Age 7 -- I've learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, the pop will come out your nose.
Age 10 -- I've learned that you should never jump out of a second story window using a sheet for a parachute.
Age 13 -- I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
Age 16 -- I've learned that when my parents are in a bad mood, it's best to agree to everything they say or things get nasty.
Age 23 -- I've learned that the I.R.S. really does want to make life easy.
Growing-up is universal; growing-up in America is unique.
Age 6 -- I've learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more.
Age 7 -- I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Age 7 -- I've learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, the pop will come out your nose.
Age 10 -- I've learned that you should never jump out of a second story window using a sheet for a parachute.
Age 13 -- I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
Age 16 -- I've learned that when my parents are in a bad mood, it's best to agree to everything they say or things get nasty.
Age 23 -- I've learned that the I.R.S. really does want to make life easy.
Age 27 -- I've learned that I should never praise my mother's cooking when I'm eating something fixed by my wife.
Age 30 -- I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
Age 31 -- I've learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little "do not remove" tags from pillows.
Age 42 -- I've learned that marrying for money is the hardest way of getting it.
Age 52 -- I've learned that if you like garlic salt and Tabasco sauce you can make almost anything taste good.
Age 53 -- I've learned that after age 50 you get the furniture disease. That's when your chest falls into your stomach.
Age 30 -- I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
Age 31 -- I've learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little "do not remove" tags from pillows.
Age 42 -- I've learned that marrying for money is the hardest way of getting it.
Age 52 -- I've learned that if you like garlic salt and Tabasco sauce you can make almost anything taste good.
Age 53 -- I've learned that after age 50 you get the furniture disease. That's when your chest falls into your stomach.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
FINES ARE FINE
THE $500.00 WORDS A LAWYER LOVES
In Louisiana, it is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
AS THE LAWMAKERS WROTE "EM
RS 14:68.6
?68.6. Unauthorized ordering of goods or services
A. It is unlawful for any person to intentionally place an order for any goods or services to be supplied or delivered to another person when all of the following circumstances apply:
(1) The person receiving the goods or services has not previously authorized such an order, does not reside with the person who placed the order, and the goods or services are not being given as a gift to that person.
(2) The person receiving the goods or services is required to pay for such goods or services, either in advance or upon delivery and has not previously agreed to do so, or is required to return the items to the sender at his expense.
(3) The person placing the order for goods or services intends to harass or annoy the person receiving such goods or services.
B. Receipt and use of an item described in this Section by the receiver shall constitute an affirmative defense to prosecution under this Section.
C. If the person who places the order for the goods or services is told by the customer who receives the goods or services that the customer did not desire the goods or services, the customer is released from any obligation to pay for such goods or services and the providing person shall not be liable under this Section.
D. Whoever violates Subsection A shall be fined not more than five hundred dollars, or imprisoned for not more than six months, or both.
E. In addition to any other sentence imposed under this Section, the sentencing court, in its discretion, may require the offender to make restitution to the victim for any loss to the victim caused by the offense.
Laws are purposefully vague in order to provide lawyers and judges with wiggle-room. -2q(Jim)
Indiana law says that anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
Again in Florida, A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
BIG FINES HELP COVER BIG DEFICITS?
"Eli Lilly and federal prosecutors are discussing a settlement of a... investigation into the company’s marketing of the antipsychotic drug Zyprexa that could result in Lilly’s paying more than $1 billion to federal and state governments.
...But the company would be allowed to keep selling Zyprexa to Medicare and Medicaid, the government programs that are the biggest customers of the drug.
Zyprexa is Lilly’s most profitable product and among the world’s best-selling medicines, with 2007 sales of $4.8 billion, about half in the United States.
The Lilly fine would be distributed among federal and state governments, which spend about $1.5 billion on Zyprexa each year through Medicare and Medicaid.
The fine would be in addition to $1.2 billion that Lilly has already paid…"
By ALEX BERENSON, New York Times, "Lilly Considers $1 Billion Fine to Settle Case", Published: January 31, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/31/business/31drug.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
With all US governments, at all levels, singing the "not enough revenue" song, where does the $1.2 billion that they have already collected, show up in their financial reporting? How will the $1.5 billion show-up in the system? Governments sure do collect a lot more than taxes to feed their respective political machines! - 2q(Jim)
When lawyers sat around and talked in earlier times, they talked about different cases. I remember a story they told about my father, John Hardin Jr., who was a circuit judge and who practiced law for fifty years.
I was told that he represented three men who were accused of rape. The judge, or jury, found them guilty of something - I don't know just what - and fined them one hundred dollars, fifty dollars, and twenty-five dollars. The story claims that he was asked why he fined this one man just twenty-five dollars.
My father responded, "Because he was third."
The second man got the fifty-dollar fine, and the first one was fined one-hundred dollars.
Tales from Kentucky Lawyers, p. 31, John R. Hardin III, Cadiz, March 21, 2001
FAIR USE NOTICE:
This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of issues of environmental and humanitarian significance. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.
In Louisiana, it is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
AS THE LAWMAKERS WROTE "EM
RS 14:68.6
?68.6. Unauthorized ordering of goods or services
A. It is unlawful for any person to intentionally place an order for any goods or services to be supplied or delivered to another person when all of the following circumstances apply:
(1) The person receiving the goods or services has not previously authorized such an order, does not reside with the person who placed the order, and the goods or services are not being given as a gift to that person.
(2) The person receiving the goods or services is required to pay for such goods or services, either in advance or upon delivery and has not previously agreed to do so, or is required to return the items to the sender at his expense.
(3) The person placing the order for goods or services intends to harass or annoy the person receiving such goods or services.
B. Receipt and use of an item described in this Section by the receiver shall constitute an affirmative defense to prosecution under this Section.
C. If the person who places the order for the goods or services is told by the customer who receives the goods or services that the customer did not desire the goods or services, the customer is released from any obligation to pay for such goods or services and the providing person shall not be liable under this Section.
D. Whoever violates Subsection A shall be fined not more than five hundred dollars, or imprisoned for not more than six months, or both.
E. In addition to any other sentence imposed under this Section, the sentencing court, in its discretion, may require the offender to make restitution to the victim for any loss to the victim caused by the offense.
Laws are purposefully vague in order to provide lawyers and judges with wiggle-room. -2q(Jim)
Indiana law says that anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
Again in Florida, A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
BIG FINES HELP COVER BIG DEFICITS?
"Eli Lilly and federal prosecutors are discussing a settlement of a... investigation into the company’s marketing of the antipsychotic drug Zyprexa that could result in Lilly’s paying more than $1 billion to federal and state governments.
...But the company would be allowed to keep selling Zyprexa to Medicare and Medicaid, the government programs that are the biggest customers of the drug.
Zyprexa is Lilly’s most profitable product and among the world’s best-selling medicines, with 2007 sales of $4.8 billion, about half in the United States.
The Lilly fine would be distributed among federal and state governments, which spend about $1.5 billion on Zyprexa each year through Medicare and Medicaid.
The fine would be in addition to $1.2 billion that Lilly has already paid…"
By ALEX BERENSON, New York Times, "Lilly Considers $1 Billion Fine to Settle Case", Published: January 31, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/31/business/31drug.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
With all US governments, at all levels, singing the "not enough revenue" song, where does the $1.2 billion that they have already collected, show up in their financial reporting? How will the $1.5 billion show-up in the system? Governments sure do collect a lot more than taxes to feed their respective political machines! - 2q(Jim)
When lawyers sat around and talked in earlier times, they talked about different cases. I remember a story they told about my father, John Hardin Jr., who was a circuit judge and who practiced law for fifty years.
I was told that he represented three men who were accused of rape. The judge, or jury, found them guilty of something - I don't know just what - and fined them one hundred dollars, fifty dollars, and twenty-five dollars. The story claims that he was asked why he fined this one man just twenty-five dollars.
My father responded, "Because he was third."
The second man got the fifty-dollar fine, and the first one was fined one-hundred dollars.
Tales from Kentucky Lawyers, p. 31, John R. Hardin III, Cadiz, March 21, 2001
FAIR USE NOTICE:
This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of issues of environmental and humanitarian significance. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
EARMARK FARMING
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
"There are some members of this body who do not want to disclose that they are the sponsors of secret earmarks. There are members of this body who do not wish to certify that they will not personally benefit from their earmarks …"
Jim DeMint, U. S. Senator, Senate Debate, July 9, 2007
POLITICAL EARMARKS - FUN AND PROFIT WITH SECRETS
"In United States politics an earmark refers to congressional provisions directing approved funds to be spent on specific projects (or directs specific exemptions from taxes or mandated fees)." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earmark_%28politics%29
According to the Congressional Research Service an earmark is defined as "Provisions associated with legislation (appropriations or general legislation) that specify certain congressional spending priorities or in revenue bills that apply to a very limited number of individuals or entities."
Secret Earmark? Kinda a bookmark with a rap sheet. - 2q(Jim)
LEARNING TO DRAFT EARMARKS
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.
"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.
"Your right. It's mine."
GEE, GOSH, ITS JUST A TEENY-WEENIE LITTLE EARMARK
Citizens Against Government Waste identified 2,658 of the FY08 earmarks representing $13.2 billion as "Pork Projects", significantly lower than the numbers and dollar amounts of recent prior years: 13,997 "Pork Projects" for a total of $27.3 billion in 2005, and 9,963 projects for a total of $29 billion in 2006
Congressional Research Service report Comparison of Selected Senate Earmark Reform Proposals RL33295 published March 6, 2006
"Where is the politician who has not promised to fight to the death for lower taxes- and who has not proceeded to vote for the very spending projects that make tax cuts impossible? " - Barry Goldwater
LAWYER'S WIFE EARMARKS A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS
Stanwyck sat in his attorney's office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.
"Give me the bad news first." came the reply.
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked Stanwyck incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
THE EARMARK WINDOW IS NOW OPEN
WASHINGTON — "The window for Congressional earmarks is open once again. Lawmakers from both parties are inviting constituents and lobbyists to recommend pet projects that could be financed by the federal government as the 2008 earmark season gets under way."
By ROBERT PEAR, Published: February 14, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/washington/14earmarks.html?hp
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
And a good politician has a whole earmark named after her - 2q(Jim)
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." - Will Rogers
"There are some members of this body who do not want to disclose that they are the sponsors of secret earmarks. There are members of this body who do not wish to certify that they will not personally benefit from their earmarks …"
Jim DeMint, U. S. Senator, Senate Debate, July 9, 2007
POLITICAL EARMARKS - FUN AND PROFIT WITH SECRETS
"In United States politics an earmark refers to congressional provisions directing approved funds to be spent on specific projects (or directs specific exemptions from taxes or mandated fees)." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earmark_%28politics%29
According to the Congressional Research Service an earmark is defined as "Provisions associated with legislation (appropriations or general legislation) that specify certain congressional spending priorities or in revenue bills that apply to a very limited number of individuals or entities."
Secret Earmark? Kinda a bookmark with a rap sheet. - 2q(Jim)
LEARNING TO DRAFT EARMARKS
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.
"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.
"Your right. It's mine."
GEE, GOSH, ITS JUST A TEENY-WEENIE LITTLE EARMARK
Citizens Against Government Waste identified 2,658 of the FY08 earmarks representing $13.2 billion as "Pork Projects", significantly lower than the numbers and dollar amounts of recent prior years: 13,997 "Pork Projects" for a total of $27.3 billion in 2005, and 9,963 projects for a total of $29 billion in 2006
Congressional Research Service report Comparison of Selected Senate Earmark Reform Proposals RL33295 published March 6, 2006
"Where is the politician who has not promised to fight to the death for lower taxes- and who has not proceeded to vote for the very spending projects that make tax cuts impossible? " - Barry Goldwater
LAWYER'S WIFE EARMARKS A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS
Stanwyck sat in his attorney's office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.
"Give me the bad news first." came the reply.
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked Stanwyck incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
THE EARMARK WINDOW IS NOW OPEN
WASHINGTON — "The window for Congressional earmarks is open once again. Lawmakers from both parties are inviting constituents and lobbyists to recommend pet projects that could be financed by the federal government as the 2008 earmark season gets under way."
By ROBERT PEAR, Published: February 14, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/washington/14earmarks.html?hp
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
And a good politician has a whole earmark named after her - 2q(Jim)
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." - Will Rogers
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
THE THEORY OF THEORIES AND TAXES
It's a good thing the Earth turned out to be round, because putting a satellite into a square orbit would've been costly.
New Flurry; Old Theory
Buoyed by their recent success against evolution, church leaders have announced a new initiative to combat the teaching of other "diabolical" theories in the American public school system.
In a rare show of inter-denominational solidarity, Christian advocates of numerous sects gathered in Rome, Washington DC, Birmingham, and Fresno to express their individual and collective support for dumping two relatively new, but unproven, theories - gravity and the so-called "round earth" theory. While all the groups sang and carried signs, the spokesman for the groups was Cardinal Alphonse Richlieu in Rome. (He simply could NOT carry a tune,)
"These are just theories," stated Richlieu. "No one has proven that things are 'attracted' to each other by gravity. If that were true, the heavier a person was, the more attractive he would be. What nonsense!"
The church is advancing a counter-theory, known as Residentialist attraction, which maintains that people are attracted to the Earth because God put us here, and that's where we belong. "If we want to ascend to heaven, we must ask God," Richlieu explained. "By nature we are drawn down; to Earth while we live, to the fires below when we depart. Only by divine intervention can we be elevated."
"The Bible says nothing about gravity," Richlieu added, noting that no one has ever proven gravity exists. "Where are the photos?" asked Richlieu. "Who can show me a bushel or a liter of gravity?"
When asked how to explain that the Earth orbits the sun without the pull of gravity, in light of the church's recent decision that Galileo was correct on that point, Richlieu admitted that the Galileo decision "may have been hasty."
"Perhaps the universe rotates around us, at the center of God's creation, after all," Richlieu went on. "New theories of physics posit multiple dimensions, strings curled in on themselves, strange quarks; perhaps the physical universe is inside-out. These things are constantly being debated by the so-called experts."
Richlieu was less vocal in his opposition to the "round earth" theory, though he dismissed photos from space as less than proof. "Don't believe everything you see in photographs," he remarked. "Have you ever heard of PhotoShop?"
He did not actually condemn "round earth" advocates as heretics, however, stating that, while the Bible does not say the Earth is round, neither does it specifically state that the Earth is flat, leaving the topic "open for honest debate" among the faithful. Advocates of the "round earth" theory will be allowed to continue receiving communion until the church has had more time to ponder the question.
Asked for comment at a White House press luncheon, President Bush said "These are serious questions. People want to know if the Earth is round, if we're going to fall off. We need to study these things, not jump to hasty conclusions. The verdict is still out on this until later on, when we know more. Which we will, in time. As a nation, together. Under God. We're not going to let terrorists separate us. The tragedy of 9/11 has brought us together. We're going to save Social Security, stay the course in Iraq. Smoke the terrorists out and hunt them down. If they think they can teach unproven theories to little school children, innocent little children, I say 'Bring 'em on. Let's party.'"
The President went on at some length, with sometimes slurred speech, then mounted a bicycle and crashed into a policeman. The President was unharmed, and waved-off Secret Service agents, smiling and waving to the press. The policeman, Sergeant Aaron Job, was admitted to Walter Reed hospital in serious condition.
Despite repeated calls, the Pope could not be reached for comment.
Our government is not a non-profit organization. - 2q(Jim)
SAMMY'S THEORY OF TAX LAW
For those confused with online tax laws they have on the 1040-EZ-GIMMEE Form as they call it. Here are the instructions:
1. List all sources of income during the past year and please include income from offshore accounts, profits from insider trading and the yard sale you had last July.
2. List all your bank accounts, safety deposit boxes, debit/credit cards and the location of those Mason jars full of quarters you had your son bury in the back yard.
3 Say " Submit to the IRS " and we will handle the rest . You will never have to worry about those complicated deductions and depreciation schedules again..
Thank you for participating and we will be back next year.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus to Jerusalem?
A small child replied, "They couldn't find a tax-deductible baby-sitter."
I.R.S. TO GIVE FUTURE PRESIDENT A GOOD SCREW_ _ G?
There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:
Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest that you send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.
Sincerely,
I. Getscrewed Everyear
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis: "There's a lot of uncertainty that's not clear in my mind."
New Flurry; Old Theory
Buoyed by their recent success against evolution, church leaders have announced a new initiative to combat the teaching of other "diabolical" theories in the American public school system.
In a rare show of inter-denominational solidarity, Christian advocates of numerous sects gathered in Rome, Washington DC, Birmingham, and Fresno to express their individual and collective support for dumping two relatively new, but unproven, theories - gravity and the so-called "round earth" theory. While all the groups sang and carried signs, the spokesman for the groups was Cardinal Alphonse Richlieu in Rome. (He simply could NOT carry a tune,)
"These are just theories," stated Richlieu. "No one has proven that things are 'attracted' to each other by gravity. If that were true, the heavier a person was, the more attractive he would be. What nonsense!"
The church is advancing a counter-theory, known as Residentialist attraction, which maintains that people are attracted to the Earth because God put us here, and that's where we belong. "If we want to ascend to heaven, we must ask God," Richlieu explained. "By nature we are drawn down; to Earth while we live, to the fires below when we depart. Only by divine intervention can we be elevated."
"The Bible says nothing about gravity," Richlieu added, noting that no one has ever proven gravity exists. "Where are the photos?" asked Richlieu. "Who can show me a bushel or a liter of gravity?"
When asked how to explain that the Earth orbits the sun without the pull of gravity, in light of the church's recent decision that Galileo was correct on that point, Richlieu admitted that the Galileo decision "may have been hasty."
"Perhaps the universe rotates around us, at the center of God's creation, after all," Richlieu went on. "New theories of physics posit multiple dimensions, strings curled in on themselves, strange quarks; perhaps the physical universe is inside-out. These things are constantly being debated by the so-called experts."
Richlieu was less vocal in his opposition to the "round earth" theory, though he dismissed photos from space as less than proof. "Don't believe everything you see in photographs," he remarked. "Have you ever heard of PhotoShop?"
He did not actually condemn "round earth" advocates as heretics, however, stating that, while the Bible does not say the Earth is round, neither does it specifically state that the Earth is flat, leaving the topic "open for honest debate" among the faithful. Advocates of the "round earth" theory will be allowed to continue receiving communion until the church has had more time to ponder the question.
Asked for comment at a White House press luncheon, President Bush said "These are serious questions. People want to know if the Earth is round, if we're going to fall off. We need to study these things, not jump to hasty conclusions. The verdict is still out on this until later on, when we know more. Which we will, in time. As a nation, together. Under God. We're not going to let terrorists separate us. The tragedy of 9/11 has brought us together. We're going to save Social Security, stay the course in Iraq. Smoke the terrorists out and hunt them down. If they think they can teach unproven theories to little school children, innocent little children, I say 'Bring 'em on. Let's party.'"
The President went on at some length, with sometimes slurred speech, then mounted a bicycle and crashed into a policeman. The President was unharmed, and waved-off Secret Service agents, smiling and waving to the press. The policeman, Sergeant Aaron Job, was admitted to Walter Reed hospital in serious condition.
Despite repeated calls, the Pope could not be reached for comment.
Our government is not a non-profit organization. - 2q(Jim)
SAMMY'S THEORY OF TAX LAW
For those confused with online tax laws they have on the 1040-EZ-GIMMEE Form as they call it. Here are the instructions:
1. List all sources of income during the past year and please include income from offshore accounts, profits from insider trading and the yard sale you had last July.
2. List all your bank accounts, safety deposit boxes, debit/credit cards and the location of those Mason jars full of quarters you had your son bury in the back yard.
3 Say " Submit to the IRS " and we will handle the rest . You will never have to worry about those complicated deductions and depreciation schedules again..
Thank you for participating and we will be back next year.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus to Jerusalem?
A small child replied, "They couldn't find a tax-deductible baby-sitter."
I.R.S. TO GIVE FUTURE PRESIDENT A GOOD SCREW_ _ G?
There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:
Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest that you send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.
Sincerely,
I. Getscrewed Everyear
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis: "There's a lot of uncertainty that's not clear in my mind."
Monday, June 2, 2008
THE FAIRNESS OF IT ALL
"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks." - Doug Larson
“The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?” - Dave Barry
THE PRESIDENT, THE WANNABE'S AND THE LORD
Former President Bill Clinton and Presidential Hopefuls (past and present) Al Gore and Hillary Clinton meet before our Lord in Heaven.
God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."
God thinks for a second and says, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
I believe you're in my chair.
“The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office” - Will Rogers
REMEMBER PAN AM 103?
WASHINGTON — "One by one, top executives of American oil companies met… with Libya’s leader, Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi… as they lined up contracts allowing them to tap into the country’s oil reserves.
...the new allies are working Capitol Hill, trying to weaken a law that threatens those deals. The Libyan government... and the American oil industry have hired high-profile lobbyists, buttonholed lawmakers and enlisted help from the Bush administration, all in an effort to win an exemption from a law that Congress passed in January that is intended to ensure that victims of terrorist attacks are compensated.
The law allows victims of state-sponsored terrorism to collect court judgments by seizing foreign assets in the United States or money from those governments held by American companies doing business with them. If Libya loses a half-dozen court cases still pending, $3 billion to $6 billion could be at stake..."
The assets provision was added to a Defense Department authorization bill at the request of Senator Frank R. Lautenberg, Democrat of New Jersey…"
The New York Times, "Libya Seeks Exemption for Its Debt to Victims "
By ERIC LIPTON, Published: April 22, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/22/washington/22libya.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
Ah, yes, Libya.
Ah, yes, Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi, once called the “Mad Dog of the Middle East” by former President Reagan.
Ah, yes Pan Am 103, the 1986 Berlin disco bombing, the 1989 attack on a French jet over Niger.
Ah, yes, Iraq, backed by American lawyers and politicians, did win their exemption already.
Ah, yes, “The short memories of American voters".
- 2q(Jim)
THE LAW OF AVERAGES - A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE
A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat but her father was a rather staunch Republican.
One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.
She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying.
He asked, "How is your friend Mary doing?" She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on campus, went to all the parties all the time. Why she often didn't show up for classes because she was hung over.
Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.
The daughter angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing".
The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".
"Fairness is what justice really is.” - Potter Stewart
"Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical." - Blaise Pascal
“The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?” - Dave Barry
THE PRESIDENT, THE WANNABE'S AND THE LORD
Former President Bill Clinton and Presidential Hopefuls (past and present) Al Gore and Hillary Clinton meet before our Lord in Heaven.
God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."
God thinks for a second and says, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
I believe you're in my chair.
“The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office” - Will Rogers
REMEMBER PAN AM 103?
WASHINGTON — "One by one, top executives of American oil companies met… with Libya’s leader, Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi… as they lined up contracts allowing them to tap into the country’s oil reserves.
...the new allies are working Capitol Hill, trying to weaken a law that threatens those deals. The Libyan government... and the American oil industry have hired high-profile lobbyists, buttonholed lawmakers and enlisted help from the Bush administration, all in an effort to win an exemption from a law that Congress passed in January that is intended to ensure that victims of terrorist attacks are compensated.
The law allows victims of state-sponsored terrorism to collect court judgments by seizing foreign assets in the United States or money from those governments held by American companies doing business with them. If Libya loses a half-dozen court cases still pending, $3 billion to $6 billion could be at stake..."
The assets provision was added to a Defense Department authorization bill at the request of Senator Frank R. Lautenberg, Democrat of New Jersey…"
The New York Times, "Libya Seeks Exemption for Its Debt to Victims "
By ERIC LIPTON, Published: April 22, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/22/washington/22libya.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
Ah, yes, Libya.
Ah, yes, Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi, once called the “Mad Dog of the Middle East” by former President Reagan.
Ah, yes Pan Am 103, the 1986 Berlin disco bombing, the 1989 attack on a French jet over Niger.
Ah, yes, Iraq, backed by American lawyers and politicians, did win their exemption already.
Ah, yes, “The short memories of American voters".
- 2q(Jim)
THE LAW OF AVERAGES - A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE
A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat but her father was a rather staunch Republican.
One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.
She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying.
He asked, "How is your friend Mary doing?" She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on campus, went to all the parties all the time. Why she often didn't show up for classes because she was hung over.
Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.
The daughter angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing".
The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".
"Fairness is what justice really is.” - Potter Stewart
"Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical." - Blaise Pascal
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