ASK THE -ISMS

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. - Common Wisdom

What do you do?
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes on you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and charges. You are carrying a Colt Pony .380 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

Voicing the Doctorine of Liberalism, Timmy answers:
Well thats not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything that would inspire him to attack? could we run away? What does my wife think? what about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? what does the law say about this situation? Does the Colt Pony have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway? and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he would be happy with just killing me? does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content to just wound me? If I were to grab the knife and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? should I call 911, why is the street so deserted? we need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier and healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is so confusing! I need more time to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come up with a consensus.

Applying good Conservatism doctrine: BANG

Enlightened Conservatism - BUSH vs Al-gebra

At a busy airport, an individual - later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, he declared. "They seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."

The Attorney General concluded, "As our Great Leader would say, 'read my ellipse'.

AN -ISM CONSENSUS

Smart man + smart woman = Romance
Smart man + stupid woman = Affair
Stupid man + stupid woman = Pregnancy
Stupid man + smart woman = Wedding