EARMARK FARMING

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

"There are some members of this body who do not want to disclose that they are the sponsors of secret earmarks. There are members of this body who do not wish to certify that they will not personally benefit from their earmarks …"
Jim DeMint, U. S. Senator, Senate Debate, July 9, 2007

POLITICAL EARMARKS - FUN AND PROFIT WITH SECRETS
"In United States politics an earmark refers to congressional provisions directing approved funds to be spent on specific projects (or directs specific exemptions from taxes or mandated fees)." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earmark_%28politics%29

According to the Congressional Research Service an earmark is defined as "Provisions associated with legislation (appropriations or general legislation) that specify certain congressional spending priorities or in revenue bills that apply to a very limited number of individuals or entities."

Secret Earmark? Kinda a bookmark with a rap sheet. - 2q(Jim)

LEARNING TO DRAFT EARMARKS
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.

"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.

"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.

"Your right. It's mine."

GEE, GOSH, ITS JUST A TEENY-WEENIE LITTLE EARMARK
Citizens Against Government Waste identified 2,658 of the FY08 earmarks representing $13.2 billion as "Pork Projects", significantly lower than the numbers and dollar amounts of recent prior years: 13,997 "Pork Projects" for a total of $27.3 billion in 2005, and 9,963 projects for a total of $29 billion in 2006
Congressional Research Service report Comparison of Selected Senate Earmark Reform Proposals RL33295 published March 6, 2006

"Where is the politician who has not promised to fight to the death for lower taxes- and who has not proceeded to vote for the very spending projects that make tax cuts impossible? " - Barry Goldwater

LAWYER'S WIFE EARMARKS A HALF-MILLION DOLLARS
Stanwyck sat in his attorney's office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.
"Give me the bad news first." came the reply.
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked Stanwyck incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

THE EARMARK WINDOW IS NOW OPEN
WASHINGTON — "The window for Congressional earmarks is open once again. Lawmakers from both parties are inviting constituents and lobbyists to recommend pet projects that could be financed by the federal government as the 2008 earmark season gets under way."
By ROBERT PEAR, Published: February 14, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/washington/14earmarks.html?hp

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

And a good politician has a whole earmark named after her - 2q(Jim)

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." - Will Rogers