INDOOR RETIRMENT ACTIVITIES

INDOOR RETIRMENT ACTIVITIES
"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." - Elayne Boosler

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. MacDonald,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. May 12:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. May 26:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. June 1:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.


4. June 15:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. June 19:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.


6. June 30:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. July 14:
Set up a tent in the camping department and invited other shoppers in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 2:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

9. August 18:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

10. September 9:
Darted around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme-song.

11. September 16:
In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

12. October 1:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!

13. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt. " - Herbert Hoover