SAMMY SEZZzzz...

Speaking of Congress
"…a collection of a hundred Great Brains makes one big fathead." - Carl Jung

UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT PIPE SPECIFICATIONS

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.

2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.

3. The inside diameter of all pipe must not exceed the outside diameter - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

5. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so that the government engineer in charge will know it is a long pipe

6. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the government engineer in charge will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe.

7. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so that the government engineer in charge will not mistake it for small pipe.

8. All pipe must have Flanges. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle.

9. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.

10. When ordering, be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.

11. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.

"Rules and models destroy genius and art." - William Hazlitt