LAWYER NEEDS A JUDGE

No Justice Without a Judge

An attorney passed away and found herself in Heaven. Without any friends to talk to, she was understandingly unhappy. She immediately complained to St. Peter, who told her that her only recourse was to appeal her assignment. The attorney advised St. Peter that she intended to appeal before all the words were out of the saint's mouth. The attorney was informed that it would be at least three years before her appeal could be heard. The attorney protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable. However, her words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by Satan, who told her that he would be able to arrange her appeal to be heard in just a few days, but only if the attorney stipulated to change the venue to Hell. When the attorney inquired as to why appeals could be heard so much faster in Hell, Satan gleefully exclaimed,

"Who do you think has all of the judges!"
- submitted by Anne M., Sun City West, AZ

CHOSEN WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Why do behavioral scientists prefer lawyers to rats for their experiments?
1) there are more of the lawyers to work with,
2) lawyers are more expendable,
3) lawyers do more harm to society than rats,
4) lab assistants are less likely
to develop a bond or feel sympathy for them,
5) rats arouse more feelings of compassion and humanity,
6) they multiply faster,
7) rats have an inate right to life and liberty,
8) animal rights groups will not object to their torture,
9) rats have more dignity, and
10) there are some things even a rat won't do.

What is the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments?

It's harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.