LOVE THOSE LAWYERS May 24, 2008

ONLY 193 ?
A lawyer died and went to Heaven. There were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter, but, to his dismay, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

The lawyers rejected the counsel of God. - Luke 7:30

The better lawyer, the worse Christian. - Dutch Proverb

"Lawyers use the law as shoemakers use leather; rubbing it, pressing it, and stretching it with their teeth, all to the end of making it fit their purposes." - Common Wisdom

"All bad precedents began as justifiable measures." Julius Caesar

"Laws too gentle are seldom obeyed; too severe, seldom executed." - Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac

WAIT FOR THE SALE

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher:
"How much for Engineer brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
"How much for doctor brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP?

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true."Im as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.

The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."