A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you have'nt the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Laws Made for Lawyers
Michigan: There is a 3 cent bounty for each starling and 10 cent bounty for each crow killed in any village, township, or city in the state.
Michigan Judicial Code
STARLINGS AND CROWS (EXCERPT)
Act 152 of 1941
433.301 Starlings and crows; bounty for killing; resolution of board of supervisors.
Sec. 1.
Every person being an inhabitant of this state, who shall kill a starling or a crow in any organized township, village or city in this state shall be entitled to receive a bounty of 3 cents for each starling thus killed, and 10 cents for each crow thus killed, to be allowed and paid in the manner hereinafter provided: Provided, That this law shall not be obligatory on any county unless the board of supervisors at the October session shall adopt a resolution to that effect, either as to starlings or as to crows or both, and then only to the amount appropriated for such purpose by said board, and shall not be effective in any city or village located in any such county in case the governing body thereof shall adopt a resolution to that effect.
History: 1941, Act 152, Eff. Jan. 10, 1942 ;--CL 1948, 433.301 .
433.302 Starlings and crows; delivery to local clerk; certificate.
Sec. 2.
Every person applying for such bounty shall take such starlings, in lots of not less than 50, and crows in lots of 10 or more, to the clerk of the township, village or city within which such starlings or crows shall have been killed, in a state of good preservation, and if satisfied with the correctness of such claim, shall issue a certificate stating the amount of bounty to which such applicant is entitled and deliver the same to such applicant, and shall destroy such starlings and crows by burning or other effective method.
History: 1941, Act 152, Eff. Jan. 10, 1942 ;--CL 1948, 433.302 .
LOVE THOSE LAWYERS
A lawyer and a wagon-wheel must be well greased. - German Proverb
No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giradoux
One goes to court with one lawsuit and comes home with two. - Italian Proverb
It is better to have loved and lost as long as you have a good lawyer. - Common Wisdom
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