FED'S FUNDS FICKLE

"Those who stay away from the election think that one vote will do no good: 'Tis but one step more to think one vote will do no harm." - RALPH WALDO EMERSON

WHAT GOES 'ROUND COMES 'ROUND - AND 'ROUND AND 'ROUND AND 'ROUND

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood before the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks. He asked "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.

"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.

"And whose clock is that one?", asked the man.

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Hillary's clock?" the man inquired.

"Hillary's clock is in Jesus's office… He's using it as a ceiling fan!"

THREE QUESTIONS FOR A THOUSAND DOLLARS?

A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"

The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."

A thousand dollars! exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"

It certainly is, says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

• "Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity," - Charles A. Beardsley, the late president of the American Bar Association, addressing his colleagues


• "If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place." - George Savile, Marquis of Halifax (1633 - 1695)


• A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. " - Jean Kerr
  

FED'S FUNDS FICKLE

"MADISON WIS. Wisconsin might lose millions of dollars in Federal aid if it doesn't change the way it calculates child-support payments… the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services said… The state Department of Workforce Development, which oversees child support, is drafting legislation to change state law..." Associated Press 1/7/ 2001

Since Uncle Sammy and the Girls in Washington have "millions of dollars in federal aid" available for Wisconsin, I can only wonder where it all came from. I thought child-support was a non-profit "pass-through" system that collected from the father and passed it along to the children. How'd the Feds get into the act? - 2q(Jim)

EXCERPTS FROM HISTORY
RECORDED AND OTHERWISE

1755 - Samuel Johnson issues the first English Dictionary, at last providing young children with a book they can look up dirty words in.
1770 - The shooting of three people in the Boston Massacre touches off the Revolution. 200 years later, three shootings will be considered just about average for a Saturday night.
1805 - Robert Fulton invents the torpedo.
1807 - Robert Fulton invents the steamship so that he has something to blow up with his torpedo.
1815 - Post Office policy is established as Andrew Jackson wins the Battle of New Orleans a month after he should have received the letter telling him the War of 1812 is over.
1894 - Thomas Edison displays the first motion picture, and everyone likes it except the movie critics.
1920 - The 18th Amendment to the Constitution makes drinking illegal in the U.S. so everyone stops. Except for the 40 million people who don't stop!

• " Middle age is when anything new in life is likely to be a symptom." - Atlanta Journal via Doris Wayne, Marietta, Ga.
• "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw
• "Old age and a little treachery beats youth and skill any day." - Common Wisdom
• "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."- George Orwell
• "There are two classes of people: the righteous and the unrighteous: the classifying is done by the righteous." - Common Wisdom
• "America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for 0ne dollar, and use it up in two weeks. - John Barry (1882 -1942)
• "A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure." - submitted by Bob L., Sun City, AZ
• "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison